He Who Gets Slapped

Name: He Who Gets Slapped
Author: Leonid Andreyev

Leonid Andreyev, translated by Gregory Zilboorg

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Introduction

Leonid Andreyev as a literary figure was born in the gloomy atmosphere of depression of the ’nineties. He thus appeared upon the literary stage at a period when the old and splendid generation of Turgenev and Dostoevsky had already passed away and when Chekhov had begun to demonstrate before the reader the gloom and colourlessness of Russia life.

This was a period when the social forces of Russia were half destroyed by the reaction under Alexander III, and when the young generation was trying to rest and to get away from the strain of social hopes and despair. This period, briefly speaking, was a period of melancholy, of commonplace, everyday preoccupations, and of dull terre à terre philosophy.

It must be borne in mind that literature was the only outlet for the moral and intellectual forces of Russia. Political reaction, censorship, complete absence of civil liberties, and the cult of popular ignorance upon which Czardom based its power, all these made the written artistic word almost the sole expression of Russian social longings and idealistic expectations.

It is therefore only natural that Russian literature in its general development is closely interwoven with the political and social conditions of Russia at the given moment. The ’nineties were a period of depression. After the assassination of Alexander II (1881) and the subsequent tightening of the chain of reaction, combined with a general debacle in progressive and radical circles, the Russian intellectual fell into a state of pessimism. His faith in an early liberation was shattered, his hope of recovery was broken. Chekhov is the most characteristic representative of that period; he himself called his heroes “the dull-grey people.”

Maxim Gorki and Leonid Andreyev appeared almost simultaneously at that time. The former brought the message of a rebel spirit which forecast a new moral upheaval, a new social protest; the latter appeared clad in the gloom of his time, which he strangely combined with a spirit of almost anarchistic revolt. From the point of view of historical completeness Leonid Andreyev is more representative of the epoch, demonstrating at once two contradictory elements of the Russia of the ’nineties: lack or even absence of faith interwoven with protest and mutiny.

Andreyev is symbolic and romantic. Her Majesty Fate and His Excellency Accident, these are the two dark, unknown, at times brutal forces which dwelt ever before the mind’s eye. His symbols are full of horror and at times unbending atrocity. Beginning with his short stories, “In Fog,” “The Life of Basil of Thebes,” through his dramas, The Life of Man, and Anathema, until his last writings, he saw human beings in the form of ghosts and ghosts in the form of human beings dominating every step, every breath of life. Still his gruesome symbolism, despite his genius for rendering his images in a clear-cut, almost crystalline manner, did not appeal to many of his contemporaries because the dark shroud in which Andreyev enveloped life was impenetrable and at times it was impossible to discern in that gloom the few values which Andreyev still found in life. Leo Tolstoy said once: “Leonid Andreyev tries to frighten me, but I am not afraid.”

Even in his splendid realistic dramas it is difficult for Andreyev to rid himself of the habit of symbolizing and dimming the few rays of light which try to filter through.

There was nevertheless a little corner in Andreyev’s artistic heart where there appeared some indefinite hope which never acquired a specific artistic form, but which was alluded to many times in his writings. In his short story, Thought, he makes fragmentary allusions to his half-hope, half-idea: “If the lot of the Man be to become a God, his throne will be the Book,” says the hero.

But the red laugh of the Russo-Japanese war, the abortive revolution of 1905, the general ignorance and darkness of the masses, the strain of the last war, the depreciation of human life as a value in itself, brought Leonid Andreyev to the last step of the pessimistic ladder which he was ever descending into the abyss of hopelessness. This state of mind is best illustrated by his last dramatic work, He, the One Who Gets Slapped.

Here we see a man of high education, of great intellectual achievement, who leaves life, willingly in appearance, but forcibly in fact. The relations of man to man, of group to group, according to Andreyev are such that the Man is forced to efface himself. Even Thought, or the Book, could not help the Man to become a God. He becomes a clown. He performs stunts, he gets slaps; the public laughs, being unaware that this laughter is a mockery at itself, at its culture, at its thought, at its achievement.

The characters of the play, as the reader will see, are depicted with a bitter sarcasm and unfriendliness, for Andreyev seems to have lost his last faith in the Man. The good, the innocent and clean heart is bound to suffer and die. His Consuelo, Zinida, Bezano are only stray rays of light out of place in the world and even in the world-circus which is full of spiders, champagne, and human outcasts. Andreyev does not blame these outcasts. On the contrary, he feels sympathy, if for anybody, for just these clowns, jugglers, and bareback-riders; but life, this strange combination of fate, accident, and cowardly slander, is stronger, and they collapse under the burden of this combination.

He is perhaps the best work of Andreyev, at any rate his best dramatic work. It is more adapted to stage conditions than his previous plays and is not overcrowded with symbolic ghosts. Furthermore, He is a remarkable summary of Andreyev’s philosophy.

Cast of Characters

Consuelo—a bareback rider in a circus. Billed as “The Bareback Tango Queen.”
Mancini—Consuelo’s father.
He—a clown in Briquet’s circus. Billed as “He Who Gets Slapped.”
Briquet—Manager of the circus.
Zinida—a lion tamer, Briquet’s wife.
Alfred Bezano—a bareback rider.
A Gentleman.
Baron Regnard.
Jackson—a clown.
Tilly and Polly—musical clowns.
Thomas, Angelica, and other actors and actresses of Briquet’s circus.

The action takes place in one of the large cities of France.

Act I

A very large, rather dirty room, with whitewashed walls. To the left, in a niche, is a window, the only outside window in the room, opening on a courtyard. The light from it is so dim that even by day the electricity has to be turned on.

At the very top of the centre-back wall is a row of small dusty windows. They open on the circus hall. At night, when the performance is going on, a bright light shines through. By day they are dark. In the same wall is a large white door, reached by two stone steps, and nailed fast.

On the right, almost in the corner, is a high, wide, arched doorway which leads to the stables and the ring. By day it opens into pale darkness, at night into pale light.

The room is used for many purposes. It is the office of Papa Briquet, manager of the circus; here he keeps his little desk. It is the cloakroom of some of the actors. It is also the room where the cast gathers between calls, during rehearsals or performances. Again, it is a checkroom for used circus property, such as gilt armchairs, scenery for pantomimes, and other wares of the circus household. The walls are covered with circus announcements and glaring posters.

The time is morning. In the circus hall a rehearsal is going on, and preparations are being made for the evening performance. As the curtain goes up, the cracking whip and the shouts of the riding-master are heard from the ring. The stage is empty for a few seconds, then enter Tilly and Polly, the musical clowns, practising a new march. Playing on tiny pipes, they step from the dark doorway to the window. Their music is agreeable to the ear, but small, mincing, artificially clown-like, like their mincing steps; they wear jackets and resemble each other; same smooth-shaven face, same height; Tilly, the younger, has a scarf around his neck; both have their derbies on the backs of their heads. Tilly glances through the window, then they turn about, still marching.

Polly	Interrupting the march. Stop, you’re out again! Now, listen—He stands close to Tilly and plays into his face. Tilly absentmindedly listens, scratching his nose. There! Come on now! They resume their music and marching. As they reach the door they meet the manager and Mancini; the latter walks behind the manager, and is gnawing at the knob of his goldmounted cane. Count Mancini is tall and slight. The seams of his clothes are worn and he keeps his coat buttoned tight. He assumes extremely graceful manners, takes affected poses, and has a special fondness for toying with his cane, with aristocratic stylishness. When he laughs, which happens often, his thin sharp face takes on a marked resemblance to a satyr. The manager, “Papa” Briquet, is a stout quiet man of average height. His bearing is hesitant. The clowns make room for the gentlemen. The manager looks questioningly at the older man.
Polly	With an affected accent. Our moosic for the pantomime! The March of the Ants!
Briquet	Ha! Yes!
	The gentlemen walk in. The clowns resume their music, Polly* marching on, then turning, the younger following.*
Polly	Papa Briquet, Jack is working very badly today.
Briquet	What’s the matter with him?
Polly	He has a sore throat. You’d better take a look at him.
Briquet	All right. Come on, Jack. Open your mouth! Wider—wider. Turns clown’s face to the light near the window and examines him closely and seriously. Just smear it with iodine.
Polly	I told him so. I said it was nothing! Oh! Come on. They go away playing, marching, practising their funny mincing steps. The manager sits down. Mancini* strikes a pose by the wall, smiling ironically.*
Mancini	So. You give them medical treatment, too! Look out, Papa Briquet, you have no licence.
Briquet	Just a little advice. They’re all so afraid for their lives.
Mancini	His throat is simply burnt with whiskey. These two fellows get drunk every night. I am amazed, Papa Briquet, to see you pay so little attention to their morals. He laughs.
Briquet	You make me sick, Mancini.
Mancini	Count Mancini is at your service!
Briquet	You make me sick, Count Mancini. You poke your nose into everything, you disturb the artists in their work. Some day you’ll get a thrashing, and I warn you that I shan’t interfere.
Mancini	As a man of superior associations and education I cannot be expected to treat your actors as my equals! What more can you ask, Briquet? You see that I do you the honour of speaking with you quite familiarly, quite simply.
Briquet	Ha! ha! ha! Slightly threatening. Really!—
Mancini	Never mind my joke. What if they did dare attack me—ever seen this, Briquet? He draws a stiletto out of his cane and advances it silently. Useful little thing. By the way, you have no idea of the discovery I made yesterday in a suburb. Such a girl! Laughs. Oh, well! all right, all right—I know you don’t like that sort of sport. But look here, you must give me a hundred francs!
Briquet	Not a sou.
Mancini	Then I’ll take away Consuelo—that’s all—
Briquet	Your daily threat!
Mancini	Yes, my threat! And you would do the same, if you were as shamefully hard up as I am. Now look here, you know as well as I do that I have to live up to my name somehow, keep up the family reputation. Just because the tide of ill-fortune which struck my ancestors compelled me to make my daughter, the Countess Veronica, a bareback rider—to keep us from starving—do you understand—you heartless idiot!
Briquet	You chase the girls too much! Some day you’ll land in jail, Mancini!
Mancini	In jail? Oh, no! Why, I have to uphold our name, the splendour of my family, laughs haven’t I? The Mancinis are known all over Italy for their love of girls—just girls! Is it my fault if I must pay such crazy prices for what my ancestors got free of charge? You’re nothing but an ass, a parvenu ass. How can you understand Family Traditions? I don’t drink—I stopped playing cards after that accident—no, you need not smile. Now if I give up the girls, what will be left of Mancini? Only a coat of arms, that’s all—In the name of family traditions, give me a hundred francs!
Briquet	I told you no, I won’t.
Mancini	You know that I leave half of the salary for Consuelo—but—perhaps you think I do not love my child—my only daughter, all that remains to me as a memory of her sainted mother—what cruelty! Pretends to cry, wipes his eyes with a small and dirty lace handkerchief, embroidered with a coronet.
Briquet	Why don’t you say, rather, that she is foolish enough to give you half her salary. You make me sick—
	Enter Zinida, the lion tamer; burningly beautiful, her self-confident, commanding gestures at first glance give an impression of languor. She is Briquet’s* unmarried wife.*
Zinida	To Mancini. Good morning.
Mancini	Madame Zinida! This barbarian, this brute may pierce me with his dagger, but I cannot control the expression of my love! Kneels facetiously before her. Madame! Count Mancini has the honour of asking you to be his wife. …
Zinida	To Briquet. Money?
Briquet	Yes.
Zinida	Don’t give him any. Sits down wearily on a torn sofa, shuts her eyes. Mancini* gets up and wipes his knees.*
Mancini	Duchess! Don’t be cruel. I am no lion, no tiger, no savage beast which you are accustomed to tame. I am merely a poor domestic animal, who wants, meow, meow, a little green grass.
Zinida	Without opening her eyes. Jim tells me you have a teacher for Consuelo. What for?
Mancini	The solicitude of a father, duchess, the solicitude and the tireless anxiety of a loving heart. The extreme misfortunes of our family, when I was a child, have left some flaws in her education. Friends, the daughter of Count Mancini, Countess Veronica, can barely read! Is that admissible? And you, Briquet, heartless brute, you still ask why I need money!
Zinida	Artful!
Briquet	What are you teaching her?
Mancini	Everything. A student had been giving her lessons, but I threw him out yesterday. He had the nerve to fall in love with Consuelo and stood there meowing at the door like a cat. Everything, Briquet, that you don’t know—literature, mythology, orthography—
	Two young actresses appear, with small fur coats thrown over their light dresses. They are tired and sit down in the corner.
Mancini	I do not wish my daughter—
Zinida	Artful!
Briquet	You are stupid, Mancini. What do you do it for? In a didactic tone. You are fearfully stupid, Mancini. Why does she need to learn? Since she is here she need never know anything about that life. Don’t you understand? What is geography? If I were the government I would forbid artists to read books. Let them read the posters, that’s enough.
	During Briquet’s* speech, the two clowns and another actor enter. They sit down wearily.*
Briquet	Right now, your Consuelo is an excellent artist, but just as soon as you teach her mythology, and she begins to read, she’ll become a nuisance, she’ll be corrupted, and then she’ll go and poison herself. I know those books, I’ve read ’em myself. All they teach is corruption, and how to kill oneself.
First Actress	I love the novels that come out in the newspaper.
Briquet	That shows what a foolish girl you are. You’ll be done for in no time. Believe me, my friends, we must forget entirely what is happening out there. How can we understand all that goes on there?
Mancini	You are an enemy of enlightenment, you are an obscurantist, Briquet.
Briquet	And you are stupid. You are from out there. What has it taught you? The actors laugh. If you’d been born in a circus as I was, you’d know something. Enlightenment is plain nonsense—nothing else. Ask Zinida. She knows everything they teach out there—geography, mythology—Does it make her any happier? You tell them, dear.
Zinida	Leave me alone, Louis.
Mancini	Angrily. Oh! Go to the devil! When I listen to your asinine philosophy, I’d like to skin you for more than a paltry hundred francs—for two hundred—for a thousand. Great God! What an ass of a manager! Yes, right before every one of them I want to say that you are a stingy old skinflint—that you pay starvation wages. I’ll make you give Consuelo a raise of a hundred francs. Listen, all you honest vagabonds, tell me—who is it draws the crowd that fills the circus every night? You? a couple of musical donkeys? Tigers, lions? Nobody cares for those hungry cats!
Zinida	Leave the tigers alone.
Mancini	Beg your pardon, Zinida. I did not mean to hurt your feelings—honestly. I really marvel at your furious audacity—at your grace—you are a heroine—I kiss your tiny hands. But what do they understand about heroism? An orchestra softly plays the Tango in the circus. He continues with enthusiasm. Hear! hear! Now tell me, honest vagabonds, who but Consuelo and Bezano draws the crowds! That Tango on horseback—it is—it is—Oh, the devil! Even his fatuousness the Pope could not withstand its lure.
Polly	True! It’s a great trick—wasn’t the idea Bezano’s?
Mancini	Idea! Idea! The lad’s in love, like a cat—that’s the idea. What’s the good of an idea without a woman! You wouldn’t dance very far with your idea alone, eh, Papa Briquet?
Briquet	We have a contract.
Mancini	Such base formalities.
Zinida	Give him ten francs and let him go.
Mancini	Ten! Never! Fifteen! Don’t be stubborn, Papa. For the traditions of my house—twenty. I swear—on my honour—I can’t do with less. Briquet hands him twenty francs. Nonchalantly. Merci. Thanks.
Zinida	Why don’t you take it from your baron?
Mancini	Raising his eyebrows haughtily, quite indignant. From the Baron? Woman! who do you think I am that I should be beholden to a stranger?
Zinida	You’re plotting something artful. I know you very little, but I guess you’re an awful scoundrel.
Mancini	Laughs. Such an insult from such beautiful lips.
	Enter an “artist,” apparently an athlete.
Athlete	Papa Briquet, there’s a gentleman from beyond the grave asking for you.
Actress	A ghost?
Athlete	No. He seems alive. Did you ever see a drunken ghost?
Briquet	If he’s drunk, tell him I’m out, Thomas. Does he want to see me or the Count?
Athlete	No, you. Maybe he’s not drunk, but just a ghost.
Mancini	Draws himself together, puffs up. A society man?
Athlete	Yes. I’ll tell him to come in.
	One hears the whip cracking in the ring. The Tango sounds very low and distant—then comes nearer—louder. Silence.
Briquet	Touching Zinida’s* arm.* Tired?
Zinida	Drawing back a little. No.
Polly	Your red lion is nervous today, Zinida!
Zinida	You shouldn’t tease him.
Polly	I played a melody from Traviata for him. And he sang with me. Wouldn’t that be a good trick to stage, Papa Briquet?
	Thomas brings in the gentleman, points out the manager, and goes heavily away. The gentleman is not young, and he is ugly, but his rather strange face is bold and lively. He wears an expensive overcoat, with a fur collar, and holds his hat and gloves in his hand.
Gentleman	Bowing and smiling. Have I the pleasure of addressing the manager?
Briquet	Yes. Won’t you sit down, please? Tilly, bring a chair.
Gentleman	Oh! Don’t trouble. Looks around. These are your artists? Very glad—
Mancini	Straightening and bowing slightly. Count Mancini.
Gentleman	Surprised. Count?
Briquet	Indignantly. Yes, Count. And whom have I the honour of—
Gentleman	I don’t quite know myself—yet. As a rule you choose your own names, don’t you? I have not chosen yet. Later you might advise me about it. I have an idea already, but I am afraid it sounds too much like literature—you know.
Briquet	Literature?
Gentleman	Yes! Too sophisticated. They all look surprised. I presume these two gentlemen are clowns? I am so glad. May I shake hands with them? Stands up and shakes hands with clowns, who make silly faces.
Briquet	Excuse me—but what can I do for you?
Gentleman	With the same pleasant, confident smile. Oh. You do something for me? No. I want to do something for you, Papa Briquet.
Briquet	Papa Briquet? But you don’t look like—
Gentleman	Reassuringly. It’s all right. I shall become “like.” These two gentlemen just made remarkable faces. Would you like to see me imitate them? Look! He makes the same silly faces as the clowns.
Briquet	Yes! Involuntarily. You are not drunk, sir?
Gentleman	No. I don’t drink as a rule. Do I look drunk?
Polly	A little.
Gentleman	No—I don’t drink. It is a peculiarity of my talent.
Briquet	Familiarly. Where did you work before? Juggler?
Gentleman	No. But I am glad you feel in me a comrade, Papa Briquet. Unfortunately I am not a juggler, and have worked nowhere—I am—just so.
Mancini	But you look like a society man.
Gentleman	Oh, you flatter me, Count. I am just so.
Briquet	Well, what do you want? You see I am obliged to tell you that everything is taken.
Gentleman	That’s immaterial. I want to be a clown, if you will allow me. Some of the actors smile, Briquet* begins to grow angry.*
Briquet	But what can you do? You’re asking too much. What can you do?
Gentleman	Why! Nothing! Isn’t that funny! I can’t do a thing.
Briquet	No, it’s not funny. Any scoundrel knows that much.
Gentleman	Rather helpless, but still smiling and looking around. We can invent something—
Briquet	Ironically. From literature?
	The clown Jackson enters slowly without being noticed by the others. He stands behind the gentlemen.
Gentleman	Yes, one can find something literary, too. A nice little speech for instance on, let’s say, a religious topic. Something like a debate among the clowns.
Briquet	A debate! The devil! This is no academy.
Gentleman	Sadly. I am very sorry. Something else then. Perhaps a joke about the creation of the world and its rulers?
Briquet	What about the police? No, no—nothing like that!
Jackson	Coming forward. The rulers of the world? You don’t like them? I don’t either. Shake.
Briquet	Introducing. Our chief clown, the famous Jackson.
Gentleman	Enthusiastically. Great heavens—you! Allow me to shake hands with you heartily! You, with your genius, you have given me so much joy!
Jackson	I’m glad indeed!
Briquet	Shrugs his shoulders; to Jackson. He wants to be a clown! Look him over, Jim.
	Jackson makes a motion at which the gentleman hurriedly removes his coat and throws it on a chair. He is ready for the examination. Jackson turns him round, looking him over critically.
Jackson	Clown? Hm! Turn round then. Clown? Yes? Now smile. Wider—broader—do you call that a smile? So—that’s better. There is something, yes—but for full developments—Sadly. Probably you can’t even turn a somersault?
Gentleman	Sighs. No.
Jackson	How old are you?
Gentleman	Thirty-nine. Too late? Jackson moves away with a whistle. There is a silence.
Zinida	Softly. Take him.
Briquet	Indignant. What the hell shall I do with him if he doesn’t know a thing? He’s drunk!
Gentleman	Honestly I am not. Thank you for your support, Madame. Are you not the famous Zinida, the lion tamer, whose regal beauty and audacity—
Zinida	Yes. But I do not like flattery.
Gentleman	It is not flattery.
Mancini	You are evidently not accustomed to good society, my dear. Flattery? This gentleman expresses his admiration in sincere and beautiful words—and you—you are not educated, Zinida. As for myself—
	Enter Consuelo* and Bezano in circus costume.*
Consuelo	You here, Daddy?
Mancini	Yes, my child, you are not tired? Kisses her on the forehead. My daughter, sir, Countess Veronica. Known on the stage as Consuelo, The Bareback Tango Queen. Did you ever see her?
Gentleman	I have enjoyed her work. It is marvellous!
Mancini	Yes! Of course. Everyone admits it. And how do you like the name, Consuelo? I took it from the novel of George Sand. It means “Consolation.”
Gentleman	What a wonderful knowledge of books!
Mancini	A small thing. Despite your strange intention, I can see, sir, that you are a gentleman. My peer! Let me explain to you, that only the strange and fatal misfortunes of our ancient family—“sic transit gloria mundi,” sir.
Consuelo	It’s a bore, Daddy—Where’s my handkerchief, Alfred?
Bezano	Here it is.
Consuelo	Showing the handkerchief to the gentleman. Genuine Venetian. Do you like it?
Gentleman	Again bowing. My eyes are dazzled, how beautiful! Papa Briquet, the more I look around me the more I want to stay with you. Makes the face of a simpleton. On the one hand a count, on the other—
Jackson	Nods approval. That’s not bad. Look here, think a bit—find something. Everyone here thinks for himself.
	Silence. The gentleman stands with a finger on his forehead, thinking.
Gentleman	Find something—find something … Eureka!
Polly	That means found. Come!
Gentleman	Eureka—I shall be among you, he who gets slapped. General laughter. Even Briquet* smiles.*
Gentleman	Looks at them smiling. You see I made even you laugh—is that easy? All grow serious. Polly sighs.
Tilly	No, it’s not easy. Did you laugh, Polly?
Polly	Sure, a lot. Did you?
Tilly	I did. Imitating an instrument, he plays with his lips a melody at once sad and gay.
Jackson	“He Who Gets Slapped,” that’s not bad.
Gentleman	It’s not, is it? I rather like it myself. It suits my talent. And comrades, I have even found a name—you’ll call me “He.” Is that all right?
Jackson	Thinking. “He”—Not bad.
Consuelo	In a singing, melodic voice. “He” is so funny—“He”—like a dog. Daddy, are there such dogs?
	Jackson suddenly gives a circus slap to the gentleman. He steps back and grows pale.
Gentleman	What!—General laughter covers his exclamation.
Jackson	He Who Gets Slapped. Or didn’t you get it?
Polly	Comically. He says he wants more—The gentleman smiles, rubbing his cheek.
Gentleman	So sudden.—Without waiting.—How funny—you didn’t hurt me, and yet my cheek burns.
	Again there is loud laughter. The clowns cackle like ducks, hens, cocks; they bark. Zinida says something to Briquet, casts a glance toward Bezano, and goes out. Mancini assumes a bored air and looks at his watch. The two actresses go out.
Jackson	Take him, Papa Briquet—he will push us.
Mancini	Again looking at his watch. But bear in mind, that Papa Briquet is as close as Harpagon. If you expect to get good money here you are mistaken. He laughs. A slap? What’s a slap? Worth only small change, a franc and a half a dozen. Better go back to society; you will make more money there. Why for one slap, just a light tap, you might say, my friend, Marquis Justi, was paid fifty thousand lire!
Briquet	Shut up, Mancini. Will you take care of him, Jackson.
Jackson	I can.
Polly	Do you like music? A Beethoven sonata played on a broom, for instance, or Mozart on a bottle?
He	Alas! No. But I will be exceedingly grateful if you will teach me. A clown! My childhood’s dream. When all my school friends were thrilled by Plutarch’s heroes, or the light of science—I dreamed of clowns. Beethoven on a broom, Mozart on bottles! Just what I have sought all my life! Friends, I must have a costume!
Jackson	I see you don’t know much! A costume putting his finger on his forehead is a thing which calls for deep thought. Have you seen my Sun here? Strikes his posterior. I looked for it two years.
He	Enthusiastically. I shall think!
Mancini	It is time for me to go. Consuelo, my child, you must get dressed. To He. We are lunching with Baron Regnard, a friend of mine, a banker.
Consuelo	But I don’t want to go, Daddy. Alfred says I must rehearse today.
Mancini	Horrified, holding up his hands. Child, think of me, and what a situation you put me in! I promised the Baron, the Baron expects us. Why, it is impossible! Oh, I am in a cold sweat.
Consuelo	Alfred says—
Bezano	Drily. She has to work. Are you rested? Then come on.
Mancini	But—the devil take me if I know what to make of it. Hey, Bezano, bareback rider! Are you crazy? I gave you permission for Art’s sake, to exercise my daughter’s talent—and you—
Consuelo	Go along, Papa, and don’t be so silly. We’ve got to work, haven’t we? Have lunch along with your Baron. And Daddy, you forgot to take a clean handkerchief again, and I washed two for you yesterday. Where did you put them?
Mancini	Ashamed, blushing. Why, my linen is washed by the laundress, and you, Consuelo, are still playing with toys. It is stupid! You’re a chatterbox. You don’t think. These gentlemen might imagine Heaven knows what. How stupid. I’m off.
Consuelo	Do you want me to write him a little note?
Mancini	Angrily. A little note? Your little notes would make a horse laugh! Goodbye.
	He goes out toying angrily with his cane. The clowns follow him respectfully, playing a funeral march. He and Jackson* laugh. The actors disappear one by one.*
Consuelo	Laughing. Do I really write so badly? And I love so to write. Did you like my note, Alfred—or did you laugh, too?
Bezano	Blushing. No, I did not. Come on, Consuelo.
	They go, and meet Zinida, entering. Consuelo* passes on.*
Zinida	Are you going back to work, Bezano?
Bezano	Politely. Yes. Today is a very bad day. How are your lions, Zinida? I think the weather affects them.
Consuelo	From the ring. Alfred!
Zinida	Yes. Someone is calling you. You’d better go. Alfred goes out. To Briquet. Are you finished?
Briquet	Right away.
Jackson	Then goodbye till evening. Think about your costume, He, and I shall look for some idea, too. Be here at ten tomorrow. Don’t be late, or you’ll get another slap. And I’ll work with you.
He	I shall not be late. He looks after Jackson* who goes out.* Must be a nice man. All the people about you are so nice, Papa Briquet. I suppose that good-looking bareback rider is in love with Consuelo, isn’t he? Laughs.
Zinida	It’s none of your business. For a newcomer you go poking your nose too far. How much does he want, Papa?
Briquet	Just a minute. See here He. I don’t want to make a contract with you.
He	Just as you please. Do you know what? Don’t let us talk about money. You are an honest fellow, Briquet; you will see what my work is worth to you, and then—
Briquet	Pleased. Now that’s very nice of you. Zinida, the man really doesn’t know anything.
Zinida	Well, do as he suggests. Now we must write it down. Where’s the book?
Briquet	Here. To He. I don’t like to write gives book to Zinida, but we have to put down the names of the actors, you know—it’s police regulations. Then if anyone kills himself, or—
	Again comes the sound of the Tango, and calls from the ring.
Zinida	What is your name?
He	Smiling. He. I chose it, you know. Or don’t you like it?
Briquet	We like it all right—but we have to have your real name. Have you a passport?
He	Confused. A passport? No, I have none. Or, rather, yes. I have something of the kind, but I had no idea the rules were strictly enforced here. What do you need papers for?
	Zinida and Briquet look at each other. Zinida pushes the book aside.
Zinida	Then we can’t take you. We cannot quarrel with the police, just on your account.
Briquet	She is my wife. I hadn’t told you. She’s right. You might get hurt by a horse, or hurt yourself—or do something. We don’t know you, you see. I personally don’t care, but out there, it’s different, you see. For me a corpse is just a corpse—and I don’t ask anything about him. It’s up to God or the Devil. But they—they’re too curious. Well, I suppose it’s necessary for order. I don’t know—Got a card?
He	Rubs his head, thinking. What shall I do? I have my card, but smiles you understand that I don’t want my name to be known.
Briquet	Some story, hey?
He	Yes, something like that. Why can’t you imagine that I have no name? Can’t I lose it as I might lose my hat? Or let someone else take it by mistake? When a stray dog comes to you, you don’t ask his name—you simply give him another. Let me be that dog. Laughing. He—the Dog!
Zinida	Why don’t you tell us your name, just the two of us. Nobody else need know it. Unless you should break your neck—
He	Hesitates. Honestly? Zinida shrugs her shoulders.
Briquet	Where people are honest, their word is good. One sees you come from out there.
He	All right. But please, don’t be surprised. Gives Zinida* his card. She looks at it, then hands it to Briquet, then both look at He.*
Briquet	If it is true, sir, that you are really what is written here—
He	For heaven’s sake—for heaven’s sake—this does not exist, but was lost long ago; it is just a check for an old hat. I pray you to forget it, as I have. I am He Who Gets Slapped—nothing else. Silence.
Briquet	I beg your pardon, sir, but I must ask you again, I must humbly ask you—are you not drunk, sir? There is something in your eye—something—
He	No, no. I am He, Who Gets Slapped. Since when do you speak to me like this, Papa Briquet? You offend me.
Zinida	After all, it’s his business, Briquet. She hides the card. Truly you are a strange man. Smiles. And you have already noticed that Bezano is in love with the horse-girl? And that I love my Briquet, did you notice that, too?
He	Also smiling. Oh, yes. You adore him.
Zinida	I adore him. Now go with him, Briquet, show him the ring and the stables—I have something to write.
He	Yes, yes, please. I am so happy. At last you have taken me, haven’t you? It is true—you’re not joking. The circus, the tanbark, the ring in which I shall run getting my slaps. Yes, yes, Briquet, let’s go. Until I feel the sawdust under my feet, I shall not believe it.
Briquet	All right then. Kisses Zinida. Come on.
Zinida	Just a minute—He! Answer me a question. I have a man who takes care of the cages, a plain fellow whom nobody knows. He just cleans the cages you know; he walks in and out whenever he wants to, without even looking at the lions, as if he were perfectly at home. Why is that so? Nobody knows him, everybody knows me, everyone is afraid for me, while—And he is such a silly man—you will see him. Laughs. But don’t you think of entering the cage yourself! My red one would give you such a slap!
Briquet	Displeased. There you are again, Zinida—stop it.
Zinida	Laughs. All right—go. Oh yes, Louis, send me Bezano. I have to settle an account with him.
	He and the director go out. Zinida looks at the card once more, then hides it. She gets up and walks quickly up and down the room. She stops to listen to the Tango, which ends abruptly. Then she stands motionless, looking straight at the dark opening of the door through which Bezano comes.
Bezano	Entering. You called me, Zinida? What do you want? Tell me quickly, I have no time—
	Zinida looks at him silently. Bezano flushes with anger, and knits his eyebrows. He turns to the door to go.
Zinida	Bezano!
Bezano	Stops, without looking up. What do you want? I have no time.
Zinida	Bezano! I keep hearing people say that you are in love with Consuelo. Is it true?
Bezano	Shrugging his shoulders. We work well together.
Zinida	Takes a step forward. No—Tell me, Alfred, do you love her?
Bezano	Flushes like a boy, but looks straight into Zinida’s* eyes. Proudly.* I do not love anybody. No, I love nobody. How can I? Consuelo? She is here today, gone tomorrow, if her father should take her away. And I? Who am I? An acrobat, the son of a Milanese shoemaker—She! I cannot even talk about it. Like my horses I have no words. Who am I to love?
Zinida	Do you love me? A little?
Bezano	No. I told you before.
Zinida	Still no? Not even a little?
Bezano	After a silence. I am afraid of you.
Zinida	Wants to cry out, indignantly, but masters herself and lowers her eyes, as if in an effort to shut out their light; turns pale. Am I … so terrifying a woman—
Bezano	You are beautiful, like a queen. You are almost as beautiful as Consuelo. But I don’t like your eyes. Your eyes command me to love you—and I don’t like to be commanded. I am afraid of you.
Zinida	Do I command, Bezano? No—only implore.
Bezano	Then why not look at me straight? Now I have it. You know yourself that your eyes cannot implore. Laughs. Your lions have spoiled you.
Zinida	My red lion loves me—
Bezano	Never! If he loves you, why is he so sad?
Zinida	Yesterday he was licking my hands like a dog.
Bezano	And this morning he was looking for you to devour you. He thrusts out his muzzle and looks out, as if he sees only you. He is afraid of you, and he hates you. Or do you want me to lick your hands too, like a dog?
Zinida	No, Alfred, but I—I want to kiss your hand. With passion. Give it to me!
Bezano	Severely. I am ashamed to listen to you when you speak like that.
Zinida	Controlling herself. One should not torture another as you torture me. Alfred, I love you. No, I do not command. Look into my eyes—I love you. Silence.
Bezano	Turns to go. Goodbye.
Zinida	Alfred—
	He appears in the doorway, and stops.
Bezano	Please never tell me any more that you love me. I don’t want it. Otherwise I will quit. You pronounce the word love as if you were cracking me with your whip. You know it is disgusting—
	He turns brusquely and goes. Both notice He; Bezano, frowning, passes out quickly. Zinida* returns to her place at the desk, with a proudly indifferent expression.*
He	Coming in. I beg your pardon, but I—
Zinida	There you are again, poking your nose into everything, He. Do you really want a slap?
He	Laughing. No. I simply forgot my overcoat. I didn’t hear anything.
Zinida	I don’t care whether you did or not.
He	May I take my coat?
Zinida	Take it if it’s yours. Sit down, He.
He	I am sitting down.
Zinida	Now tell me He, could you love me?
He	Laughing. I? I and Love! Look at me, Zinida. Did you ever see a lover with such a face?
Zinida	One can succeed with such a face—
He	That’s because I am happy—because I lost my hat—because I am drunk—or perhaps I am not drunk. But I feel as dizzy as a young girl at her first ball. It is so nice here—slap me, I want to play my part. Perhaps it will awaken love in my heart, too. Love—as if listening to his own heart with pretended terror do you know—I feel it!
	In the circus the Tango is played again.
Zinida	Listening too. For me?
He	No. I don’t know. For everyone. Listens to the music. Yes, they are dancing—how beautiful Consuelo is—and how beautiful is the youth. He has the body of a Greek God; he looks as if he had been modeled by Praxiteles. Love! Love! Silence, music.
Zinida	Tell me, He—
He	At your service, Queen!
Zinida	He, what shall I do, to make my lions love me?
	Curtain.

Act II

The same room, during the evening performance. Occasional music, laughter, shrieks, and applause are audible. Through the small windows, back centre, the light is shining.

Consuelo and Baron Regnard occupy the stage; Consuelo wears her stage costume; she sits with her feet on the sofa, a small shawl covering her shoulders. Before her stands the Baron, a tall stout man in evening dress, a rose in his buttonhole; grasping the ground with feet well apart, he gazes at her with convex spider-like eyes.

Baron	Is it true that your father, the Count, has introduced you to a certain Marquis Justi, a very rich man?
Consuelo	Surprised. No, he is only joking. I have often heard him speak of a Marquis Justi but I have never seen him—
Baron	And do you know that your father is just a charlatan?
Consuelo	Oh! Don’t say that—Father is such a dear.
Baron	Did you like the jewels?
Consuelo	Yes, very much. I was very sorry when Father told me I must return them. He said it would not be nice for me to keep them. I even cried a little about it.
Baron	Your father is only a beggar and a charlatan.
Consuelo	Oh, no, don’t scold him—he loves you so much.
Baron	Let me kiss your hand—
Consuelo	Oh, no, it isn’t proper! One may kiss the hand only when one says how do you do or goodbye. But in the meantime you can’t.
Baron	Everybody is in love with you, that is why you and your father make such a fuss about yourselves. Who is that new clown they call He? I don’t like him, he’s too shrewd a beast. … Is he in love with you, too? I noticed the way he looked at you. …
Consuelo	Laughing. Nothing of the kind. He is so funny! He got fifty-two slaps yesterday. We counted them. Think of it, fifty-two slaps! Father said, “if they had only been gold pieces.”
Baron	And Bezano, Consuelo. … Do you like him?
Consuelo	Yes, very much. He is so good-looking. He says that Bezano and I are the most beautiful couple in the world. He calls him Adam, and me Eve. But that’s improper, isn’t it? He is so improper.
Baron	And does He speak to you very often?
Consuelo	Yes, often. … But I don’t understand him. It seems as if he were drunk.
Baron	“Consuelo”! … It means in Spanish … Consolation. Your father is an ass. … Consuelo, I love you.
Consuelo	Talk it over with Father.
Baron	Angry. Your father is a swindler and a charlatan. He should be turned over to the police. Don’t you understand that I cannot marry you?
Consuelo	But Father says you can. …
Baron	No, I cannot. And what if I shoot myself? Consuelo, silly girl, I love you unbearably … unbearably, do you understand? I am probably mad … and must be taken to a doctor, yanked about, beaten with sticks. Why do I love you so much, Consuelo?
Consuelo	Then, you’d better marry.
Baron	I have had a hundred women, beauties, but I didn’t see them. You are the first and I don’t see anyone else. Who strikes man with love, God or the Devil? The Devil struck me. Let me kiss your hand.
Consuelo	No. She thinks a while and sighs.
Baron	Do you think sometimes? What are you thinking about now Consuelo?
Consuelo	With another sigh. I don’t know why, I just felt sorry for Bezano. Sighs again. He is so nice to me when he teaches me … and he has such a tiny little room.
Baron	Indignant. You were there?
Consuelo	No. He told me about it. Smiling. Do you hear the noise in there? That’s He getting slapped. Poor thing … although I know it doesn’t hurt, it’s only make-believe. The intermission is coming soon.
	The Baron* throws away his cigar, takes two quick steps forward, and falls on his knees before the girl.*
Baron	Consuelo—
Consuelo	Please, don’t. Get up. Please leave my hand alone.
Baron	Consuelo!
Consuelo	Disgusted. Get up please, it’s disgusting—you’re so fat.
	The Baron gets up. Voices are heard near the door and in the ring. It is the intermission. The clowns come first, talking cheerfully and excitedly. He leads them, in his clown’s dress, with painted eyebrows and white nose; the others are applauding him. Voices of the actors calling: “Bravo! He.” Then come the actors and actresses, riding-masters, and the rest, all in costume. Zinida is not among them. Papa Briquet comes a little later.
Polly	A hundred slaps! Bravo, He!
Jackson	Not bad, not bad at all. You’ll make a career.
Tilly	He was the Professor today, and we were the students. Here goes another! Gives him a clown’s slap. Laughter. All bid good evening to the Baron. He is politely rude to these vagabonds who bore him, and remains silent. They seem quite used to it. Enter Mancini. He is the same, and with the same cane.
Mancini	Shaking hands. What a success, Baron—and think of it—how the crowd does love slaps. Whispering. Your knees are dusty, Baron, brush them off. The floor is very dirty in here. Aloud. Consuelo, dear child, how do you feel? Goes over to his daughter. Sound of laughing, chattering. The waiters from the buffet in the lobby bring in soda and wine. Consuelo’s voice is heard.
Consuelo	And where is Bezano?
He	Bows before the Baron, affecting intimacy. You do not recognize me, Baron?
Baron	Yes I do. You are the clown, He.
He	Yes I am He Who Gets Slapped. May I presume to ask you, Baron, did you get your jewels back?
Baron	What!
He	I was asked to return some jewels to you, and I take the liberty of—The Baron* turns his back on him—He laughs loudly.*
Jackson	Whiskey and soda! Believe me, ladies and gents, He will surely make a career. I am an old clown, and I know the crowd. Why today, he even eclipsed me—and clouds have covered my Sun. Striking it. They do not like puzzles, they want slaps! They are longing for them and dreaming about them in their homes. Your health, He! Another whiskey and soda! He got so many slaps today, there would be enough to go round the whole orchestra!
Tilly	I bet there wouldn’t! To Jackson. Shake!
Polly	I bet there wouldn’t—I’ll go and count the old mugs.
A Voice	The orchestra did not laugh—
Jackson	Because they were getting it, but the galleries did, because they were looking at the orchestra getting slapped. Your health, He!
He	Your’s Jim! Tell me, why didn’t you let me finish my speech—I was just getting a good start.
Jackson	Seriously. My friend, because your speech was a sacrilege. Politics—all right. Manners—as much as you want. But Providence—leave it in peace. And believe me, friend, I shut your mouth in time. Didn’t I, Papa Briquet?
Briquet	Coming nearer. Yes. It was too much like literature. This is not an academy. You forget yourself, He.
Tilly	But to shut one’s mouth—faugh. …
Briquet	In a didactic tone. Whenever one shuts one’s mouth, it is always high time to shut it, unless one is drinking. Hey, whiskey and soda!
Voices	Whiskey and soda for the Manager!
Mancini	But this is obscurantism. Philosophizing again, Briquet?
Briquet	I am not satisfied with you today, He. Why do you tease them? They don’t like it. Your health! A good slap must be clean like a crystal—fft-fft! right side, left side, and done with it. They will like it; they will laugh, and love you. But in your slaps there is a certain bite, you understand, a certain smell—
He	But they laughed, nevertheless!
Briquet	But without pleasure, without pleasure, He. You pay, and immediately draw a draft on their bank; it’s not the right game—they won’t like you.
Jackson	That’s what I tell him. He had already begun to make them angry.
Bezano	Entering. Consuelo, where are you? I have been looking for you—come on. Both go out. The Baron, after hesitating a while, follows them. Mancini* accompanies him respectfully to the door.*
He	Sighs. You don’t understand, my dear friends; you are simply old, and have forgotten the smell of the stage.
Jackson	Aha! Who is old, my young man?
He	Don’t be angry, Jim. It’s a play, don’t you understand? I become happy when I enter the ring and hear the music. I wear a mask and I feel humorous. There is a mask on my face, and I play. I may say anything like a drunkard. Do you understand? Yesterday when I, with this stupid face, was playing the great man, the philosopher he assumes a proud monumental pose, and repeats the gesture of the play—general laughter I was walking this way, and was telling how great, how wise, how incomparable I was—how God lived in me, how high I stood above the earth—how glory shone above my head his voice changes and he is speaking faster then you, Jim, you hit me for the first time. And I asked you, “What is it, they’re applauding me?” Then, at the tenth slap, I said: “It seems to me that they sent for me from the Academy?” Acts, looking around him with an air of unconquerable pride and splendour. Laughter. Jackson gives him a real slap.
He	Holding his face. Why?
Jackson	Because you’re a fool, and play for nothing. Waiter, the check. Laughter. The bell calls them to the ring. The actors go out in haste, some running. The waiters collect their money.
Briquet	In a singsong. To the ring—to the ring—
Mancini	I want to tell you something, He. You are not going yet?
He	No. I’ll take a rest.
Briquet	To the ring—to the ring—
	The clowns as they go sing in shrill, squeaky voices. Little by little they all disappear, and loud music begins. He seats himself on the sofa with his legs crossed, and yawns.
Mancini	He, you have something none of my ancestors ever had—money. Let’s have a nice bottle on you. Waiter, please—The waiter who was taking up dishes, brings a bottle of wine and glasses and goes out.
He	You’re blue, Mancini. Stretches. Well, at my age, a hundred slaps—it seems pretty hard. So you’re blue. How are things getting on with your girl?
Mancini	Tss! Bad! Complications—parents—shudders Agh—
He	Prison!
Mancini	Laughing. Prison! Mustn’t I uphold the glory of my name now, eh? He, I’m joking—but there is Hell in my heart. You’re the only one who understands me. But tell me how to explain this passion? It will turn my hair grey, it’ll bring me to prison, to the grave. I am a tragic man. He—Wipes his eyes with a dirty handkerchief. Why don’t I like things which are not forbidden? Why, at all moments, even at the very moment of ecstasy, must I be reminded of some law—it is stupid. He, I am becoming an anarchist. Good God!—Count Mancini, an anarchist. That’s the only thing I’ve missed.
He	Isn’t there a way of settling it somehow?
Mancini	Is there a way of getting money, somehow?
He	And the Baron?
Mancini	Oh, yes! He’s just waiting for it, the bloodsucker! He’ll get what he’s after. Some day, you’ll see me give him Consuelo for ten thousand francs, perhaps for five!
He	Cheap.
Mancini	Did I say it was anything else? Do I want to do it? But these bourgeois are strangling me, they’ve got me by the throat. He, one can easily see that you’re a gentleman, and of good society, you understand me—I showed you the jewels which I sent back to him—damn honesty—I didn’t even dare change the stones, put false ones—
He	Why?
Mancini	It would have queered the game. Do you think he didn’t weigh the diamonds when he got them back?
He	He will not marry her.
Mancini	Yes he will. You don’t understand. Laughs. The first half of his life, this man had only appetites—now love’s got him. If he does not get Consuelo, he is lost, he is—like a withered narcissus. Plague take him with his automobiles. Did you see his car?
He	I did. … Give Consuelo to the Jockey—
Mancini	To Bezano? Laughs. What nonsense you do talk! Oh, I know. It’s your joke about Adam and Eve. But please stop it. It’s clever, but it compromises the child. She told me about it.
He	Or give her to me.
Mancini	Have you a billion? Laughs. Ah, He, I’m not in the proper mood to listen to your clownish jokes—They say there are terrible jails in this country, and no discriminations are being made between people of my kind, and plain scoundrels. Why do you look at me like that? You’re making fun of me?
He	No.
Mancini	I’ll never get accustomed to those faces. You’re so disgustingly made up.
He	He will not marry her. You can be as proud as you please, Mancini, but he’ll not marry her. What is Consuelo? She is not educated. When she is off her horse, any good housemaid from a decent house has nicer manners, and speaks better. Nonchalantly. Don’t you think she’s stupid?
Mancini	No, she’s not stupid. And you, He, are a fool. What need has a woman of intelligence? Why, He, you astonish me. Consuelo is an unpolished jewel, and only a real donkey does not notice her sparkle. Do you know what happened? I tried to begin to polish her—
He	Yes, you took a teacher. And what happened?
Mancini	Nodding his head. I was frightened—it went too fast—I had to dismiss him. Another month or two, and she would have kicked me out. Laughs. The clever old diamond merchants of Amsterdam keep their precious stones unpolished, and fool the thieves. My father taught me that.
He	The sleep of a diamond. It is only sleeping, then. You are wise, Mancini.
Mancini	Do you know what blood flows in the veins of an Italian woman? The blood of Hannibal and Corsini—of a Borgia—and of a dirty Lombardi peasant—and of a Moor. Oh! an Italian woman is not of a lower race, with only peasants and gypsies behind her. All possibilities, all forms are included in her, as in our marvelous sculpture. Do you understand that, you fool? Strike here—out springs a washerwoman, or a cheap street girl whom you want to throw out, because she is sloppy and has a screechy voice. Strike there—but carefully and gently, for there stands a queen, a goddess, the Venus of the Capitol, who sings like a Stradivarius and makes you cry, idiot! An Italian woman—
He	You’re quite a poet, Mancini! But what will the Baron make of her?
Mancini	What? What? Make of her? A baroness, you fool! What are you laughing at? I don’t get you? But I am happy that this lovesick beast is neither a duke nor a prince—or she would be a princess and I—what would become of me? A year after the wedding they would not let me even into the kitchen laughing not even into the kitchen! I, Count Mancini, and she a—a simple—
He	Jumping up. What did you say? You are not her father, Mancini?
Mancini	Tss—the devil—I am so nervous today! Heavens, who do you think I am? “Her father?” Of course tries to laugh how silly you are—haven’t you noticed the family resemblance? Just look, the nose, the eyes—Suddenly sighs deeply. Ah, He! How unhappy I am! Think of it. Here I am, a gentleman, nearly beaten in my struggle to keep up the honour of my name, of an old house, while there in the parquet—there sits that beast, an elephant with the eyes of a spider … and he looks at Consuelo … and. …
He	Yes, yes, he has the motionless stare of a spider—you’re right!
Mancini	Just what I say—a spider! But I must, I shall compel him to marry her. You’ll see—Walking excitedly up and down, playing with his cane. You’ll see! All my life I’ve been getting ready for this battle. He continues to walk up and down. Silence. Outside, great stillness.
He	Listening. Why is it so quiet out there? What a strange silence.
Mancini	Disgusted. I don’t know. Out there it is quiet—but here touching his forehead with his cane here is storm, whirlwind. Bends over the clown. He, shall I tell you a strange thing—an unusual trick of nature? Laughs, and looks very important. For three centuries the Counts Mancini have had no children! Laughs.
He	Then how were you born?
Mancini	Sh! Silence! That is the secret of our sainted mothers! Ha-ha! We are too ancient a stock—too exquisitely refined to trouble ourselves with such things—matters in which a peasant is more competent than ourselves. Enter an usher. What do you want? The manager is on the stage.
The Usher	Yes, sir. Baron Regnard wished me to give you this letter.
Mancini	The Baron? Is he there?
The Usher	Baron Regnard has left. There is no answer.
Mancini	Opening the envelope, his hand shaking. The devil—the devil! The usher is going.
He	Just a minute. Why is there no music? This silence. …
The Usher	It is the act with Madame Zinida and her lions. He goes. Mancini* is reading the Baron’s note for the second time.*
He	What’s the matter, Mancini? You shine like Jackson’s sun.
Mancini	What’s the matter, did you ask? What’s the matter? What’s the matter? Balancing his cane, he takes steps like a ballet-dancer.
He	Mancini! Mancini rolls his eyes, makes faces, dances. Speak, you beast!
Mancini	Holds out his hand. Give me ten francs! Quick—ten francs—here, come on. Puts it automatically into his vest pocket. Listen, He! If in a month I don’t have a car of my own, you may give me one of your slaps!
He	What! He’s going to marry? He’s decided?
Mancini	What do you mean by “decided?” Laughs. When a man has the rope about his neck, you don’t ask him about his health! Baron—Stops suddenly, startled. Briquet* is staggering in like a drunken man, his hand over his eyes.*
He	Goes to him, touches his shoulder gently. What is the matter, Papa Briquet? Tell me!
Briquet	Groaning. Oh, oh, I can’t … I can’t … Ah—
He	Something has happened? You are ill? Please speak.
Briquet	I can’t look at it! Takes his hands from his eyes, opens them wide. Why does she do it? Ah, ah, why does she do it? She must be taken away; she is insane. I couldn’t look at it. Shivers. They will tear her to pieces. He—her lions—they will tear her—
Mancini	Go on, Briquet. She is always like that. You act like a child. You ought to be ashamed.
Briquet	No—Today she is mad! And what is the matter with the crowd? They are all like dead people—they’re not even breathing. I couldn’t stand it. Listen—what’s that? All listen. There is the same silence.
Mancini	Disturbed. I’ll go and see.
Briquet	Yelling. No! Don’t! You can’t look—damned profession! Don’t go. You will scorch her—every pair of eyes that looks at her—at her lions—no, no. It is impossible—it is a sacrilege. I ran away. … He, they will tear her—
He	Tries to be cheerful. Keep cool, Papa Briquet—I had no idea you were such a coward. You ought to be ashamed. Have a drink. Mancini, give him some wine.
Briquet	I don’t want any. Heavens, if it were only over—All listen. I have seen many things in my life, but this. … Oh, she is crazy. All still listen. Suddenly the silence breaks, like a huge stone wall crashing. There is a thunder of applause, mixed with shouts, music, wild screams—half bestial, half human. The men give way, relieved. Briquet sinks to a seat.
Mancini	Nervous. You see—you see—you old fool!
Briquet	Sobs and laughs. I am not going to allow it any more!
He	Here she is!
	Zinida walks in, alone. She looks like a drunken bacchante, or like a mad woman. Her hair falls over her shoulders dishevelled, one shoulder is uncovered. She walks unseeing, though her eyes glow. She is like the living statue of a mad Victory. Behind her comes an actor, very pale, then two clowns, and a little later Consuelo and Bezano. All look at Zinida fearfully, as if they were afraid of a touch of her hand, or her great eyes.
Briquet	Shouting. You are crazy—you’re a mad woman!
Zinida	I? No. Did you see? Did you see? Well? She stands smiling, with the expression of a mad Victory.
Tilly	Plaintively. Cut it out, Zinida. Go to the devil!
Zinida	You saw, too! And! … what—
Briquet	Come home—come home. To the others. You can do what you like here. Zinida, come home.
Polly	You can’t go, Papa. There’s still your number.
Zinida	Her eyes meet those of Bezano. Ah! Bezano. Laughs long and happily. Bezano! Alfred! Did you see? My lions do love me! Bezano, without answering, leaves the stage. Zinida seems to wither and grow dim, as a light being extinguished. Her smile fades, her eyes and face grow pale. Briquet anxiously bends over her.
Briquet	In a slow voice. A chair! Zinida sits. Her head drops on her shoulder, her arms fall, she begins to shiver and tremble. Someone calls, “Cognac”—an actor runs to get it.
Briquet	Helpless. What is the matter, Zinida darling?
Mancini	Running about. She must quiet down. Get out, get out—vagabonds! I’ll fix everything, Papa Briquet. The wrap—where’s the wrap? She’s cold. A clown hands it to him; they cover her.
Tilly	Timidly. Wouldn’t you like some moosic?
Mancini	Giving her some cognac. Drink, Duchess, drink! Drink it all—that’s it. Zinida drinks it like water, evidently not noticing the taste. She shivers. The clowns disappear one by one. Consuelo, with a sudden flexible movement, falls on her knees before Zinida and kisses her hands, warming them between her own.
Consuelo	Dear, dear, you are cold! Poor little hands, dear good one, beloved one—
Zinida	Pushes her away, gently. Ho—home. It will soon be over. It’s nothing … I am ver—very … home. … You stay here, Briquet—you must. I’m all right.
Consuelo	You are cold? Here is my shawl.
Zinida	No—let me. … Consuelo gets up, and moves aside.
Briquet	And it’s all because of your books, Zinida—your mythology. Now tell me, why do you want those beasts to love you? Beasts! Do you understand, He? You too, you’re from that world. She’ll listen more to you. Explain it to her. Whom can those beasts love? Those hairy monsters, with diabolic eyes?
He	Genially. I believe—only their equals. You are right, Papa Briquet—there must be the same race.
Briquet	Of course, and this is all nonsense—literature. Explain it to her, He.
He	Takes on a meditative air. Yes, you are right, Briquet.
Briquet	You see, dear, silly woman—everybody agrees. …
Mancini	Oh! Briquet, you make me sick; you are an absolute despot, an Asiatic.
Zinida	With the shadow of a smile, gives her hand to be kissed. Calm yourself, Louis. It is over—I am going home. She stands up, shaking, still chilled.
Briquet	But how? alone, dear?
Mancini	What! fool! Did you imagine that Count Mancini would leave a woman when she needed help? I shall take her home—let your brutal heart be at rest—I shall take her home. Thomas, run for an automobile. Don’t push me Briquet, you are as awkward as a unicorn … that’s the way, that’s the way—They are holding her, guiding her slowly toward the door. Consuelo, her chin resting in her hand, is following them with her eyes. Unconsciously she assumes a somewhat affected pose.
Mancini	I’ll come back for you, child—Only He and Consuelo* are left on the stage. In the ring, music, shrieks, and laughter begin again.*
He	Consuelo—
Consuelo	Is that you, He, dear?
He	Where did you learn that pose? I have seen it only in marble. You look like Psyche.
Consuelo	I don’t know, He. She sighs and sits on the sofa, keeping in her pose the same artificiality and beauty. It’s all so sad here, today. He, are you sorry for Zinida?
He	What did she do?
Consuelo	I didn’t see. I had closed my eyes, and didn’t open them. Alfred says she is a wicked woman, but that isn’t true. She has such nice eyes, and what tiny cold hands—as if she were dead. What does she do it for? Alfred says she should be audacious, beautiful, but quiet, otherwise what she does is only disgusting. It isn’t true, is it, He?
He	She loves Alfred.
Consuelo	Alfred? My Bezano? Shrugging her shoulders, and surprised. How does she love him? The same as everyone loves?
He	Yes—as everyone loves—or still more.
Consuelo	Bezano? Bezano? No—it’s nonsense. Pause; silence. What a beautiful costume you have, He. You invented it yourself?
He	Jim helped me.
Consuelo	Jim is so nice! All clowns are nice.
He	I am wicked.
Consuelo	Laughs. You? You are the nicest of all. Oh, goodness! Three acts more! This is the second on now. Alfred and I are in the third. Are you coming to see me?
He	I always do. How beautiful you are, Consuelo.
Consuelo	Like Eve? Smiles.
He	Yes, Consuelo. And if the Baron asks you to be his wife, will you accept?
Consuelo	Certainly, He. That’s all Father and I are waiting for. Father told me yesterday that the Baron will not hesitate very long. Of course I do not love him. But I will be his honest, faithful wife. Father wants to teach me to play the piano.
He	Are those your own words—“his honest, faithful wife”?
Consuelo	Certainly they are mine. Whose could they be? He loves me so much, the poor thing. Dear He, what does “love” mean? Everybody speaks of love—love—Zinida, too! Poor Zinida! What a boring evening this has been! He, did you paint the laughter on your face yourself?
He	My own self, dear little Consuelo—
Consuelo	How do you do it, all of you? I tried once, but couldn’t do a thing. Why are there no women clowns? Why are you so silent, He? You, too, are sad, tonight.
He	No, I am happy tonight. Give me your hand, Consuelo, I want to see what it says.
Consuelo	Do you know how? What a talented man you are! Read it, but don’t lie, like a gypsy. He goes down on one knee and takes her hand. Both bend over it. Am I lucky?
He	Yes, lucky. But wait a minute—this line here—funny. Ah, Consuelo, what does it say, here! Acting. I tremble, my eyes do not dare to read the strange, fatal signs. Consuelo—
Consuelo	The stars are talking.
He	Yes, the stars are talking. Their voices are distant and terrible; their rays are pale, and their shadows slip by, like the ghosts of dead virgins—their spell is upon thee, Consuelo, beautiful Consuelo. Thou standest at the door of Eternity.
Consuelo	I don’t understand. Does it mean that I will live long?
He	This line—how far it goes. Strange! Thou wilt live eternally, Consuelo.
Consuelo	You see, He, you did tell me a lie, just like a gypsy!
He	But it is written—here, silly—and here. Now think of what the stars are saying. Here you have eternal life, love, and glory; and here, listen to what Jupiter says. He says: “Goddess, thou must not belong to anyone born on earth,” and if you marry the Baron—you’ll perish, you’ll die, Consuelo. Consuelo laughs.
Consuelo	Will he eat me?
He	No. But you will die before he has time to eat you.
Consuelo	And what will become of Father? Is there nothing about him here? Laughing, she softly sings the melody of the waltz, which is playing in the distance.
He	Don’t laugh, Consuelo, at the voice of the stars. They are far away, their rays are light and pale, and we can barely see their sleeping shadows, but their sorcery is stern and dark. You stand at the gates of eternity. Your die is cast; you are doomed—and your Alfred, whom you love in your heart, even though your mind is not aware of it, your Alfred cannot save you. He, too, is a stranger on this earth. He is submerged in a deep sleep. He, too, is a little god who has lost himself, and Consuelo, never, never will he find his way to Heaven again. Forget Bezano—
Consuelo	I don’t understand a word. Do the gods really exist? My teacher told me about them. But I thought it was all tales! Laughs. And my Bezano is a god?
He	Forget Bezano! Consuelo, do you know who can save you? The only one who can save you? I.
Consuelo	Laughing. You, He?
He	Yes, but don’t laugh! Look. Here is the letter H. It is I, He.
Consuelo	He Who Gets Slapped? Is that written here, too?
He	That, too. The stars know everything. But look here, what more is written about him. Consuelo, welcome him. He is an old god in disguise, who came down to earth only to love you, foolish little Consuelo.
Consuelo	Laughing and singing. Some god!
He	Don’t mock! The gods don’t like such, empty laughter from beautiful lips. The gods grow lonely and die, when they are not recognized. Oh, Consuelo! Oh, great joy and love! Do recognize this god, and accept him. Think a moment, one day a god suddenly went crazy!
Consuelo	Gods go crazy, too?
He	Yes, when they are half man, then they often go mad. Suddenly he saw his own sublimity, and shuddered with horror, with infinite solitude, with superhuman anguish. It is terrible, when anguish touches the divine soul!
Consuelo	I don’t like it. What language are you speaking? I don’t understand—
He	I speak the language of thy awakening. Consuelo, recognize and accept thy god, who was thrown down from the summit like a stone. Accept the god who fell to the earth in order to live, to play, and to be infinitely drunk with joy. Evoë Goddess!
Consuelo	Tortured. He—I cannot understand. Let my hand alone.
He	Stands up. Sleep. Then wake again, Consuelo! And when thou wakest—remember that hour when, covered with snow-white sea-foam, thou didst emerge from the sky-blue waters. Remember heaven, and the slow eastern wind, and the whisper of the foam at thy marble feet.
Consuelo	Her eyes are closed. I believe—wait—I remember. Remind me further—
	He is bowed over Consuelo, with lifted arms; he speaks slowly, but in a commanding voice, as if conjuring.
He	You see the waves playing. Remember the song of the sirens, their sorrowless song of joy. Their white bodies, shining blue through the blue waters. Or can you hear the sun, singing? Like the strings of a divine harp, spread the golden rays—Do you not see the hand of God, which gives harmony, light, and love to the world? Do not the mountains, in the blue cloud of incense, sing their hymn of glory? Remember, O Consuelo, remember the prayer of the mountains, the prayer of the sea. Silence.
He	Commandingly. Remember—Consuelo!
Consuelo	Opening her eyes. No! He, I was feeling so happy, and suddenly I forgot it all. Yet something of it all is still in my heart. Help me again, He, remind me. It hurts, I hear so many voices. They all sing “Consuelo—Consuelo.” What comes after? Silence; pause. What comes after? It hurts. Remind me, He. Silence—in the ring, the music suddenly bursts forth in a tempestuous circus gallop. Silence. He, opens her eyes and smiles that’s Alfred galloping. Do you recognize his music?
He	With rage. Leave the boy alone! Suddenly falls on his knees before Consuelo. I love you, Consuelo, revelation of my heart, light of my nights, I love you, Consuelo. Looks at her in ecstasy and tears—and gets a slap; starting back. What’s this?
Consuelo	A slap! You forget who you are. Stands up, with anger in her eyes. You are He Who Gets Slapped! Did you forget it? Some god! With such a face—slapped face! Was it with slaps they threw you down from heaven, god?
He	Wait! Don’t stand up! I—did not finish the play!
Consuelo	Sits. Then you were playing?
He	Wait! One minute.
Consuelo	You lied to me. Why did you play so that I believed you?
He	I am He Who Gets Slapped!
Consuelo	You are not angry because I struck you? I did not want to really, but you were so—disgusting. And now you are so funny again. You have great talent, He—or are you drunk?
He	Strike me again.
Consuelo	No.
He	I need it for my play. Strike!
Consuelo	Laughs, and touches his cheek with her fingertips. Here, then!
He	Didn’t you understand that you are a queen, and I a fool who is in love with his queen? Don’t you know, Consuelo, that every queen has a fool, and he is always in love with her, and they always beat him for it. He Who Gets Slapped.
Consuelo	No. I didn’t know.
He	Yes, every queen. Beauty has her fool. Wisdom, too. Oh, how many fools she has! Her court is overcrowded with enamoured fools, and the sound of slaps does not cease, even through the night. But I never received such a sweet slap as the one given by my little queen. Someone appears at the door. He notices it, and continues to play, making many faces. Clown He can have no rival! Who is there who could stand such a deluge of slaps, such a hailstorm of slaps, and not get soaked? Feigns to cry aloud. “Have pity on me. I am but a poor fool!”
	Enter two men: an actor, dressed as a bareback rider, and a gentleman from the audience. He is spare, dressed in black, very respectable. He carries his hat in his hand.
Consuelo	Laughing, embarrassed. He, there is someone here. Stop!
He	Gets up. Who is it? Who dares to intrude in the castle of my queen?
	He stops, suddenly. Consuelo, laughing, jumps up and runs away, after a quick glance at the gentleman.
Consuelo	You cheered me up, He. Goodbye. At the door. You shall get a note tomorrow.
The Bareback Rider	Laughing. A jolly fellow, sir. You wanted to see him? There he is. He, the gentleman wants to see you.
He	In a depressed voice. What can I do for you?
	The actor bows, and goes away, smiling. Both men take a step toward each other.
Gentleman	Is this you?
He	Yes! It is I. And you? Silence.
Gentleman	Must I believe my eyes? Is this you, Mr.—
He	In a rage. My name here is He. I have no other name, do you hear? He Who Gets Slapped. And if you want to stay here, don’t forget it.
Gentleman	You are so familiar. As far as I can remember—
He	We are all familiar, here. Contemptuously. Besides, that’s all you deserve, anywhere.
Gentleman	Humbly. You have not forgiven me, He? Silence.
He	Are you here with my wife? Is she, too, in the circus?
Gentleman	Quickly. Oh, no! I am alone. She stayed there!
He	You’ve left her already?
Gentleman	Humbly. No—we have—a son. After your sudden and mysterious disappearance—when you left that strange and insulting letter—
He	Laughs. Insulting? You are still able to feel insults? What are you doing here? Were you looking for me, or is it an accident?
Gentleman	I have been looking for you, for half a year—through many countries. And suddenly, today—by accident, indeed—I had no acquaintances here, and I went to the circus. We must talk things over … He, I implore you. Silence.
He	Here is a shadow I cannot lose! To talk things over! Do you really think we still have something to talk over? All right. Leave your address with the porter, and I will let you know when you can see me. Now get out. Proudly. I am busy.
	The gentleman bows and leaves. He does not return his bow, but stands with outstretched hand, in the pose of a great man, who shows a boring visitor the door.
	Curtain.

fetching the rest…

tale.fyi