The Merry Wives of Windsor

Name: The Merry Wives of Windsor
Author: William Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

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Dramatis Personae

Sir John Falstaff
Fenton, a young gentleman
Shallow, a country justice
Slender, cousin to Shallow
Ford, a Gentleman dwelling at Windsor
Page, a Gentleman dwelling at Windsor
William Page, a boy, son to Page
Sir Hugh Evans, a Welsh parson
Doctor Caius, a French physician
Host of the Garter Inn
Bardolph, Pistol, Nym; followers of Falstaff
Robin, page to Falstaff
Simple, servant to Slender
Rugby, servant to Doctor Caius
Mistress Ford
Mistress Page
Anne Page, her daughter, in love with Fenton
Mistress Quickly, servant to Doctor Caius
Servants to Page, Ford, etc.

Scene: Windsor and the neighbourhood

Act I

Scene I

Windsor. Before Page’s house.

	Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans.
Justice Shallow	Hotly. Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star Chamber matter of it; if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
Slender	Nodding. In the county of Gloucester, Justice of Peace, and “coram.”
Justice Shallow	Ay, cousin Slender, and “cust-alorum.”
Slender	Ay, and “rato-lorum” too; and a gentleman born, Master Parson, who writes himself “armigero” in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation—“armigero.”
Justice Shallow	Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three hundred years.
Slender	All his successors, gone before him, hath done’t; and all his ancestors, that come after him, may: they may give the dozen white luces in their coat.
Justice Shallow	Proudly. It is an old coat.
Sir Hugh Evans	The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.
Justice Shallow	Coldly. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.
Slender	I may quarter, coz?
Justice Shallow	You may, by marrying.
Sir Hugh Evans	It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
Justice Shallow	Not a whit.
Sir Hugh Evans	Yes, py’r lady! If he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures; but that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and compromises between you.
Justice Shallow	The Council shall hear it; it is a riot.
Sir Hugh Evans	It is not meet the Council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot; the Council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that.
Justice Shallow	Ha! o’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.
Sir Hugh Evans	It is petter that friends is the sword and end it; and there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master George Page, which is pretty virginity.
Slender	Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman.
Sir Hugh Evans	It is that fery person for all the ’orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed—Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!—give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old. It were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
Justice Shallow	Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
Sir Hugh Evans	Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
Justice Shallow	I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.
Sir Hugh Evans	Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot gifts.
Justice Shallow	Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
Sir Hugh Evans	Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is false; or as I despise one that is not true. The knight Sir John is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page. Knocks. What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
Page	Within. Who’s there?
Sir Hugh Evans	Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.
	Enter Page.
Page	I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
Justice Shallow	Master Page, I am glad to see you; much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?—and I thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
Page	Sir, I thank you.
Justice Shallow	Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
Page	I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
Slender	How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall.
Page	It could not be judged, sir.
Slender	You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.
Justice Shallow	That he will not: ’tis your fault; ’tis your fault. ’Tis a good dog.
Page	A cur, sir.
Justice Shallow	Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog; can there be more said? he is good, and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?
Page	Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.
Sir Hugh Evans	It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
Justice Shallow	He hath wronged me, Master Page.
Page	Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Justice Shallow	If it be confessed, it is not redressed: is not that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he hath;—at a word, he hath—believe me; Robert Shallow, esquire, saith he is wronged.
Page	Here comes Sir John.
	Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol.
Falstaff	Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the King?
Justice Shallow	Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge.
Falstaff	But not kiss’d your keeper’s daughter?
Justice Shallow	Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.
Falstaff	I will answer it straight: I have done all this. That is now answered.
Justice Shallow	The Council shall know this.
Falstaff	’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel: you’ll be laughed at.
Sir Hugh Evans	Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.
Falstaff	Good worts! good cabbage! Slender, I broke your head; what matter have you against me?
Slender	Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket.
Bardolph	You Banbury cheese! He draws his sword.
Slender	Ay, it is no matter.
Pistol	How now, Mephostophilus! He also draws.
Slender	Faintly. Ay, it is no matter.
Nym	Pricks him with his sword. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice! That’s my humour.
Slender	Desperate. Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?
Sir Hugh Evans	Comes between them. Peace, I pray you. The three withdraw. Now let us understand. Takes out notebook. There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: writes that is—Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
Page	We three to hear it and end it between them.
Sir Hugh Evans	Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my notebook; and we will afterwards ’ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can. He writes again.
Falstaff	Pistol!
Pistol	He hears with ears.
Sir Hugh Evans	Looks up. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, “He hears with ear”? Why, it is affectations.
Falstaff	Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?
Slender	Ay, by these gloves, did he—or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else!—of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and two pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
Falstaff	Is this true, Pistol?
Sir Hugh Evans	No, it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
Pistol	Ha, thou mountain-foreigner!—Sir John and master mine, I combat challenge of this latten bilbo. Word of denial in thy labras here! Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest.
Slender	By these gloves, then, ’twas he. Pointing at Nym.
Nym	Be avised, sir, and pass good humours; I will say “marry trap” with you, if you run the nuthook’s humour on me; that is the very note of it.
Slender	By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
Falstaff	What say you, Scarlet and John?
Bardolph	Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
Sir Hugh Evans	It is his “five senses”; fie, what the ignorance is!
Bardolph	And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashier’d; and so conclusions passed the careires.
Slender	Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no matter; I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick; if I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
Sir Hugh Evans	So Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
Falstaff	You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
	Enter Anne Page* with wine; Mistress Ford and Mistress Page following.*
Page	Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we’ll drink within.
	Exit Anne Page.
Slender	O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.
Page	How now, Mistress Ford!
Falstaff	Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met; by your leave, good mistress. Kissing her.
Page	Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.
	Exeunt all but Justice Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans.
Slender	I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here.
	Enter Simple.
	How, Simple! Where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you?
Simple	Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?
Justice Shallow	Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. Taking him by the arm. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here: do you understand me?
Slender	Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason.
Justice Shallow	Nay, but understand me.
Slender	So I do, sir.
Sir Hugh Evans	At his other side. Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.
Slender	Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says; I pray you pardon me; he’s a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here.
Sir Hugh Evans	But that is not the question; the question is concerning your marriage.
Justice Shallow	Ay, there’s the point, sir.
Sir Hugh Evans	Marry is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.
Slender	Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.
Sir Hugh Evans	But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth: therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?
Justice Shallow	Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
Slender	I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.
Sir Hugh Evans	Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies! you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.
Justice Shallow	That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?
Slender	I will do a greater thing than that upon your request, cousin, in any reason.
Justice Shallow	Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?
Slender	I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another; I hope upon familiarity will grow more contempt. But if you say “Marry her,” I will marry her; that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
Sir Hugh Evans	It is a fery discretion answer; save, the fall is in the ’ort “dissolutely:” the ’ort is, according to our meaning, “resolutely.” His meaning is good.
Justice Shallow	Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
Slender	Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
Justice Shallow	Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
	Reenter Anne Page.
	He bows. Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!
Anne Page	Curtsies. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships’ company.
Justice Shallow	I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne!
Sir Hugh Evans	Hurries in. Od’s plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.
	Exeunt Justice Shallow* and Sir Hugh Evans.*
Anne Page	To Slender. Will’t please your worship to come in, sir?
Slender	Simpering. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.
Anne Page	The dinner attends you, sir.
Slender	I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. To Simple. Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin Shallow.
	Exit Simple.
	A justice of peace sometime may be beholding to his friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead. But what though? Yet I live like a poor gentleman born.
Anne Page	I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit till you come.
Slender	I’ faith, I’ll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did.
Anne Page	Impatient. I pray you, sir, walk in.
Slender	I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin th’ other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes—and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? Be there bears i’ the town?
Anne Page	I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.
Slender	I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not?
Anne Page	Ay, indeed, sir.
Slender	That’s meat and drink to me now. I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the chain; but I warrant you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed; but women, indeed, cannot abide ’em; they are very ill-favoured rough things.
	Reenter Page.
Page	Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.
Slender	I’ll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
Page	By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come. He stands aside to let him pass in.
Slender	Nay, pray you lead the way.
Page	Going in. Come on, sir.
Slender	Begins to follow but then turns. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
Anne Page	Not I, sir; pray you keep on.
Slender	Truly, I will not go first; truly, la! I will not do you that wrong.
Anne Page	Keeps behind him. I pray you, sir.
Slender	I’ll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. You do yourself wrong indeed, la!He goes in.
	Exeunt.

Scene II

The same.

	Enter Sir Hugh Evans* and Simple.*
Sir Hugh Evans	Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius’ house which is the way; and there dwells one Mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer.
Simple	Well, sir.
Sir Hugh Evans	Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it is a ’oman that altogether’s acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page; and the letter is to desire and require her to solicit your master’s desires to Mistress Anne Page. I pray you be gone: I will make an end of my dinner; there’s pippins and cheese to come.
	Exeunt.

Scene III

A room in the Garter Inn.

	Enter Falstaff, Host, Bardolph, Nym, Pistol, and Robin.
Falstaff	Sets down his cup of sack. Mine host of the Garter!
Host	Turns. What says my bully rook? Speak scholarly and wisely.
Falstaff	Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers.
Host	Discard, bully Hercules; cashier; let them wag; trot, trot.
Falstaff	I sit at ten pounds a week.
Host	Thou’rt an emperor, Caesar, Keiser, and Pheazar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap; said I well, bully Hector?
Falstaff	Do so, good mine host.
Host	I have spoke; let him follow. To Bardolph. Let me see thee froth and lime. I am at a word; follow.
	Exit Host.
Falstaff	Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade; an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.
Bardolph	It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive.
Pistol	O base Hungarian wight! Wilt thou the spigot wield?
	Exit Bardolph.
Nym	He was gotten in drink. Is not the humour conceited?
Falstaff	I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful singer—he kept not time.
Nym	The good humour is to steal at a minim’s rest.
Pistol	“Convey” the wise it call. “Steal!” foh! A fico for the phrase!
Falstaff	Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
Pistol	Why, then, let kibes ensue.
Falstaff	There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.
Pistol	Young ravens must have food.
Falstaff	Which of you know Ford of this town?
Pistol	I ken the wight; he is of substance good.
Falstaff	My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
Pistol	Two yards, and more.
Falstaff	No quips now, Pistol. Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford’s wife; I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation; I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is “I am Sir John Falstaff’s.”
Pistol	He hath studied her will, and translated her will out of honesty into English.
Nym	The anchor is deep; will that humour pass?
Falstaff	Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her husband’s purse; he hath a legion of angels.
Pistol	As many devils entertain; and “To her, boy,” say I.
Nym	The humour rises; it is good; humour me the angels.
Falstaff	I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to Page’s wife, who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly.
Pistol	Then did the sun on dunghill shine.
Nym	I thank thee for that humour.
Falstaff	O! she did so course o’er my exteriors with such a greedy intention that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass. Here’s another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheator to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. To Pistol. Go, bear thou this letter to Mistress Page; To Nym. and thou this to Mistress Ford. We will thrive, lads, we will thrive.
Pistol	Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then Lucifer take all!
Nym	I will run no base humour. Here, take the humour-letter; I will keep the haviour of reputation.
	They throw letters on the table.
Falstaff	Rising. To Robin. Hold, sirrah; bear you these letters tightly; Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go; Trudge, plod away o’ hoof; seek shelter, pack! Falstaff will learn the humour of this age; French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page.
	Exeunt Falstaff* and Robin.*
Pistol	Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds, And high and low beguile the rich and poor; Tester I’ll have in pouch when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk!
Nym	I have operations in my head which be humours of revenge.
Pistol	Wilt thou revenge?
Nym	By welkin and her star!
Pistol	With wit or steel?
Nym	With both the humours, I: I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.
Pistol	And I to Ford shall eke unfold How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, And his soft couch defile.
Nym	My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous: that is my true humour.
Pistol	Thou art the Mars of malcontents; I second thee; troop on.
	Exeunt.

Scene IV

A room in Doctor Caius’s house, a door in back leading to a small closet; two other doors, one leading to the street with a window beside it.

	Enter Mistress Quickly* and Simple.*
Mistress Quickly	Calling. What, John Rugby!
	Enter Rugby.
	I pray thee go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i’ faith, and find anybody in the house, here will be an old abusing of God’s patience and the King’s English.
Rugby	I’ll go watch.
Mistress Quickly	Go; and we’ll have a posset for’t soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.
	Rugby goes to window.
	An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no telltale nor no breed-bate; his worst fault is that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way; but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple you say your name is?
Simple	Ay, for fault of a better.
Mistress Quickly	And Master Slender’s your master?
Simple	Ay, forsooth.
Mistress Quickly	Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover’s paring-knife?
Simple	No, forsooth; he hath but a little whey face, with a little yellow beard—a cane-coloured beard.
Mistress Quickly	A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
Simple	Ay, forsooth; but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener.
Mistress Quickly	How say you?—O! I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?
Simple	Yes, indeed, does he.
Mistress Quickly	Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish—
Rugby	Rugby calls from window. Out, alas! here comes my master.
Mistress Quickly	We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; go into this closet. Shuts Simple* in the closet.* He will not stay long. Calling. What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
	Enter Doctor Caius, she feigns not to see him.
	Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt he be not well that he comes not home.
	Sings. And down, down, adown-a, etc.
Doctor Caius	Suspicious. Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet une boitine verde—a box, a green-a box: testily do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. He busies himself with papers.
Mistress Quickly	Ay, forsooth, I’ll fetch it you. Aside. I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. She goes to closet.
Doctor Caius	Wipes his forehead. Fe, fe, fe fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m’en vais à la cour—la grande affaire.
Mistress Quickly	Returning with a green case. Is it this, sir?
Doctor Caius	Oui; mettez le au mon pocket: depechez, Quickly—Vere is dat knave, Rugby?
Mistress Quickly	What, John Rugby? John!
Rugby	Comes forward. Here, sir.
Doctor Caius	You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court.
Rugby	Opening the door. ’Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
Doctor Caius	Following swiftly. By my trot, I tarry too long stops—Od’s me! Qu’ay j’oublie? Rushes to the closet. Dere is some simples in my closet dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
Mistress Quickly	Aside. Ay me, he’ll find the young man there, and be mad!
Doctor Caius	Discovers Simple. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?—Villainy! larron! Pulling Simple* out.* Rugby, my rapier!
Mistress Quickly	Good master, be content.
Doctor Caius	Verefore shall I be content-a?
Mistress Quickly	The young man is an honest man.
Doctor Caius	What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
Mistress Quickly	I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.
Doctor Caius	Vell.
Simple	Ay, forsooth, to desire her to—
Mistress Quickly	Peace, I pray you.
Doctor Caius	Peace-a your tongue!—Speak-a your tale.
Simple	To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my master, in the way of marriage.
Mistress Quickly	This is all, indeed, la! but I’ll ne’er put my finger in the fire, and need not.
Doctor Caius	Sir Hugh send-a you?—Rugby, baillez me some paper: tarry you a little-a while. He sits at desk and writes.
Mistress Quickly	Draws Simple* aside.* I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been throughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, man, I’ll do you your master what good I can; and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master—I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself—
Simple	’Tis a great charge to come under one body’s hand.
Mistress Quickly	Are you avis’d o’ that? You shall find it a great charge; and to be up early and down late; but notwithstanding—to tell you in your ear—I would have no words of it—my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page; but notwithstanding that, I know Anne’s mind, that’s neither here nor there.
Doctor Caius	Rising and folding letter. You jack’nape; give-a dis letter to Sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in de Park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good you tarry here: by gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog.
	Exit Simple.
Mistress Quickly	Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
Doctor Caius	Turns upon her. It is no matter-a ver dat:—do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jartiere to measure our weapon. By gar, I vill myself have Anne Page.
Mistress Quickly	Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate: he boxes her ears what, the good-jer! Rubbing her head.
Doctor Caius	Rugby, come to the court vit me. To Mistress Quickly. By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door. Follow my heels, Rugby.
	Exeunt Doctor Caius* and Rugby.*
Mistress Quickly	You shall have An the door shuts fool’s-head of your own. No, I know Anne’s mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne’s mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.
Fenton	Within. Who’s within there? ho!
Mistress Quickly	Who’s there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.
	Enter Fenton.
Fenton	How now, good woman! how dost thou?
Mistress Quickly	The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask.
Fenton	What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?
Mistress Quickly	In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it.
Fenton	Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit?
Mistress Quickly	Troth, sir, all is in His hands above; but notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I’ll be sworn on a book she loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye?
Fenton	Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
Mistress Quickly	Well, thereby hangs a tale; good faith, it is such another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread. We had an hour’s talk of that wart; I shall never laugh but in that maid’s company;—but, indeed, she is given too much to allicholy and musing. But for you—well, go to.
Fenton	Well, I shall see her today. Hold, there’s money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend me.
Mistress Quickly	Will I? i’ faith, that we will; and I will tell your worship more of the wart the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers.
Fenton	Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.
Mistress Quickly	Farewell to your worship.—
	Exit Fenton.
	Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne’s mind as well as another does. Out upon’t, what have I forgot?
	Exit.

fetching the rest…

Dramatis Personae

Sir John Falstaff

Fenton, a young gentleman

Shallow, a country justice

Slender, cousin to Shallow

Ford, a Gentleman dwelling at Windsor

Page, a Gentleman dwelling at Windsor

William Page, a boy, son to Page

Sir Hugh Evans, a Welsh parson

Doctor Caius, a French physician

Host of the Garter Inn

Bardolph, Pistol, Nym; followers of Falstaff

Robin, page to Falstaff

Simple, servant to Slender

Rugby, servant to Doctor Caius

Mistress Ford

Mistress Page

Anne Page, her daughter, in love with Fenton

Mistress Quickly, servant to Doctor Caius

Servants to Page, Ford, etc.